Virtual Open Mic: Tonya Meisenbach

It was a week before Christmas 2018. December 17th.
My husband and I were relaxing on our patio with some wine and our fire pit that we used all the time. This particular fire pit had grates that could be added to allow for cooking or even
rotisserie. I went inside to grab some steaks because it was getting late and came back to throw them on the grill. As I did, a stream of lighter fluid squirted, and I went up like a match!
It was such a shock that I took off running. Once I reached my driveway, I remembered to stop, drop and roll. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work when accelerant is involved, and I don’t think it works on concrete. I rolled for what felt like hours and nothing.
Then I thought “This is it. This is how I died”. I could feel the heat of the fire, but no pain. I knew it was bad. Then I rolled to my stomach for one more talk with God. I asked him if that was really how I was supposed to die? 45 years old and burning alive? It was the first time I received an immediate response from God. Likely the only time…
As soon as I said it, I heard my husband say “Hold on baby! I’ve got you”. I had completely
forgotten my husband. In my mind, it was just me and that fire and how can I survive. My
husband smothered the fire with his jacket, burning himself a bit in the process.
Once I was extinguished, I jumped up and ran in the house. I wanted to see the damage.
Especially my face. Everything looked red, but not bad. I later learned that it takes a couple of
days for the skin to blister and ultimately die.
Emergency services arrived within 2-3 minutes and the paramedic got me in the ambulance. I
told him that I needed to see my kids. I had realized that death was still a very distinct
possibility. My kids had just moved out months before. I asked if I was going to die. The
paramedic said no. I asked if he would say that even if he thought I was dying. He said yes.
Then he spoke the last two words that I consciously heard for two months. “Push fentanyl”.
The hospital kept me asleep and paralyzed for two months while they performed lifesaving
surgeries and skin grafts on my face, neck, chest, back and length of both arms. 35% upper
body burned with full thickness grafts taken from my legs and sides. My whole body was
ravaged, but I WAS ALIVE!
For those two months I had dreams/nightmares and lived a whole separate life in my mind. The debridement was so painful that I still felt it in my unconscious state. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I was being hurt daily. I would walk down a pitch-black staircase in my mind and crouch down in a small, square, pitch black room and just hide there until it was over.
I was burned in December 2018 and awakened in February 2019 by my nurse who was named January.
Since then, I have had many more surgeries, mainly to correct issues with my face and I have
healed a lot. Physically and psychologically. I still have many more surgeries to go, but while I’m waiting for those to happen, I try to help others.
I spent 2 ½ years hiding in my house. I didn’t want anyone to see me. Then, just a few months ago, I bought some heavy makeup and some wigs and everything necessary to do my nails at home and @BurnedBeauty2018 was born!
I consider my scars to be the result of a well-fought battle that I won; however, being stared at isn’t fun and I choose to always wear hair (I do have natural hair) and makeup on my face. I
don’t cover my neck, chest or arms.
My goal is to help other survivors find their balance where they feel confident again. I work
towards that goal daily.