Unlocking Your Capacity for Resilience

Burn recovery is more than a physical ordeal—psychological healing can take as long, or longer, than physical recovery. The journey may not be quick, but most people are capable of a resilient recovery after being burned. Resilience (the capacity to bounce back from adversity) was once thought to be rare. But researchers have found that resilience is actually surprisingly common, although that does not mean recovery will be easy.

I am a psychologist and also a childhood burn survivor. At four years old, my mother and I were engulfed in flames from a barbecue fire. I underwent years of surgical procedures, as they reconstructed my lip, chin, neck, arms and grafted my tiny body again and again. I had so many operations that my grandmother stopped counting. I had third-degree burns on two-thirdsof my body and am disfigured for life. I endured most of these procedures alone because my parents, although loving, were intensely self-absorbed and unable to care for me.

This is my story, and it is all true. So, how is it that I am now a happy, well-loved, successful psychologist? I lead a beautiful life, happily married, the mother of two, with rewarding work and many friends. No one would have predicted those odds.

Many components contribute to resilience. Some factors are beyond our control, such as genetic or economic factors. Having financial resources grants better access to quality health care, education, and support. Having a supportive family and community also supports resilience.

However, much of resilience rests in our own mindset, in the way we view ourselves, our world, and our future. Happily, we can improve and enhance this mindset.

I have developed an acronym to explain these mental resilience skills: G.O.A.L.S. + M.M.

G is for Gratitude

The capacity to notice and appreciate your blessings in life.

The simple act of acknowledging your blessings can have a quick and positive effect on mindset and physical wellbeing.

Being discharged from the hospital, you may find yourself overwhelmed. There will likely be pain, dressing changes, scarring, and many disruptions to your routine. Still, it is important to notice the good around you. Are you healing? Are you able to walk around? Is the sun shining?

Try noticing three things every day for which you are grateful. Even better, write those three positive things down every day and start a “gratitude journal.” You will probably notice that you feel better whenever you notice the good in your life instead of focusing solely on your challenges.

O is for Optimism

The capacity to look forward, to anticipate something positive and to have hope—even during challenging times.

Sometimes the call for optimism can sound fake or superficial. However, focusing solely on gloomy “what-ifs” can spiral into demoralization.

It is vital to imagine that things could turn out well for you. Recovery from burns can happen. It is possible to have a great life as a burn survivor, take it from me. Your life can still be full of joy, adventure, and love. It won’t be easy because being burned is not easy, but it is still possible. Holding onto an optimistic vision is key. Because when we have hope, we will be more motivated to do the hard work necessary for recovery.

A is for Active Coping

The ability to do something productive to help solve our problems.

There is much about life right now that you cannot change. If you are burned, then you are burned. That cannot be undone; you are now a burn survivor.

But there are other things you can change! You can follow your doctor’s instructions and optimize your recovery. You can wear your splints and do your physical therapy. You can give your body the nutrition it needs to heal. You can listen to music or sit outside to improve your mood. There are many ways to actively cope with trauma and promote a better future.

L is for Love

Surround yourself with loving relationships and good support systems.

Resilient people tend to have good support systems, though support may not come from expected sources. Parents may be neglectful; marriages may be disappointing. But support can still be found in friends, neighbors, coworkers, and the burn community.

Many survivors notice that some relationships change after the burn. Some friends and family really come through for us, showing tremendous love and care. Other friends and family do not. Perhaps they are overwhelmed, perhaps they are emotionally limited themselves. Perhaps they simply don’t have that much to give. Many of us over-focus on the disappointing people, feeling aggrieved and hurt. And yes, this is natural.

But it’s important to notice the people who have come through for you. Try to celebrate and appreciate them instead of dwelling on the disappointing people. If we mostly focus on the people who have failed us, we won’t even notice all the people who have been heroes.

S is for Social Skills

The capacity to form and keep positive relationships.

Resilient people tend to be good at relationships. They connect well with teachers, neighbors, friends.

Utilizing good social skills will help you build positive relationships. It’s important to smile and say “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome.” You will probably need a lot of help as you return home. Caregivers get overwhelmed too, as do medical providers. The more you show appreciation and gratitude for the people in your life, the stronger those relationships will be.

You may also face some social challenges as you head back out into the world. Your own social skills will help you build confidence and make connections.

M.M. is for Meaning Making

The ability to find meaning and purpose from the experience of suffering.

At some point after trauma, it is vital to make sense out of what you’ve been through. Sometimes faith helps us make meaning, but it is not necessary to be religious to find meaning.

Many burn survivors make meaning out of their suffering by giving back to the burn community. Some of us volunteer, visiting newly burned people in the hospital. Some of us help to run summer burn camps for children. Some of us are peer counselors. You don’t need to be an active part of the burn community. There are so many ways to give back to the world, through church, or charity, or simply helping a neighbor. Still, please know that the burn community is here if you wish to join us, making meaning out of our own trauma by helping others.

Notice anything about G.O.A.L.S. + M.M?

All these skills and mindsets can be strengthened and improved. Most of us fear that resilience is a gift that we either have or we don’t. Luckily, resilience is both common and possible. You can improve your likelihood of a resilient outcome by working on being grateful, optimistic, a good problem solver, noticing the love around you, using good social skills, and giving back in a meaningful way.

Like many of you, I am a survivor. With help from loved ones and professionals, I grew the qualities of resilience that kept me thriving. The meaning I take from my trauma is that I am now here to help others.

Now it’s your turn to think about G.O.A.L.S + M.M.

• What are you grateful for?

• What gives you hope?

• Who loves you?

• How can you connect with others?

• What can you learn from your experiences, and how can you give back?

Dr. Lise Deguire graduated from Tufts University and earned her doctorate in clinical psychology from Widener University. She is the author of the multiple award-winning memoir, Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience from a Burn Survivor. She is a blogger for Psychology Today and has appeared on NPR, NBC, ABC, FOX, Sirius XM, and numerous podcasts. Dr. Deguire writes a blog about psychological resilience issues and is a national keynote speaker. She lives in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, with her husband, two wonderful daughters, and one rambunctious dog. To learn more about her work, visit www.lisedeguire.com.