Burns Impact the Whole Family

On March 7, 1999, my husband James, our six sons, and I experienced a horrific house fire. We awoke to our home completely engulfed in flames. My husband threw me out of our bedroom window, then got our four oldest sons out of the house. They all suffered varying degrees of burn injuries.

When James tried to rescue our youngest sons, twins Benjamin and Amos, the house caved in before he could grab them both.

We lost everything we owned. Most devastating of all, we loss Amos on site.

Everyone processed the trauma differently.

My husband dealt with severe survivor guilt. He felt it was his responsibility to keep his family safe, and he was not able to rescue Amos. Through faith, prayer, and counsel, he was able to reconcile with what happened.

My oldest son, Jonathon, was angry at God for a tragedy he believed shouldn’t have been allowed to happen. Joseph compared his actions to his older brother, who tried to run back and save his brothers, and concluded that he was a coward because he didn’t try to save anyone but himself. Caleb became very sensitive about his self-image as he dealt with teasing at school.

As for myself, I was debilitated by the grief of losing a child.

Our journey was long, but we were able to heal, thrive, and find purpose in helping others who suffered similar tragedies.

Whether multiple family members experienced a burn injury or a single individual was hurt, every family member is touched by the trauma of a burn injury. Every one of you is on a unique journey of recovery, dealing with the trauma in your own way.

Many burn recovery programs, such as Phoenix SOAR Peer Support, are available to family members as well as survivors. There are resources for caregivers, spouses, parents, and children of burn survivors and siblings of young burn survivors.

Support is vital for the whole family. Hearing the experiences of those who have traveled the road your family member is currently on will empower you on how to better take care of your loved ones and yourself.

Justina Page is an international speaker and natural storyteller who speaks with a bold and refreshing honesty that touches the hearts of audiences. She now inspires audiences worldwide with a powerful message of hope and triumph. She is the author of the award-winning book, The Circle of Fire and 11 other literary works. She is the Founder and Executive Director of The Amos House of Faith, a non-profit organization that provides post-burn support to children and families affected by burn trauma. She is a supporting actress in the award-winning faith-based movie We Are Stronger and the highly anticipated upcoming TV series Breaking Strongholds.

Coping with Guilt

Of all the emotions families endure in a crisis, guilt seems to be one of the hardest to resolve. Help your family develop healthy coping strategies with these tips from social worker and Phoenix Society volunteer Jennifer Harris:

• Validate the thoughts and feelings of each family member.

• Maintain normalcy and routine (as much as possible) at home, particularly when children or teens are involved.

• Provide honest and accurate information about the injury.

• Sustain positive self-talk and self-affirmations.

• Stay connected with family, friends, community, and school.

• If talking becomes overwhelming, keep a family dialogue book, where everyone can share their feelings without the intensity of having to talk about it.

• Remember that your loved one most likely does not blame you for what they are going through, and if you asked, they would probably tell you just that.